Another Day in Paradise

On my last deployment, my cousin sent me the following poem, which I pinned to the wall above my desk and read every morning for the rest of that year.

 

As I was packing up and getting ready to leave on this deployment, I found it in a pile of papers and salvaged it to once again adorn my workspace.  Here it is for your benefit:

 

Whom God Chooses

by Henry F. Lyte

When God wants to drill a man,
and thrill a man, and skill a man,
When God wants to mold a man,
To play the noblest part;
When He yearns with all His heart
To create so great and bold a man,
That all the world shall be amazed,
Watch his methods; watch His ways.
How He ruthlessly perfects
When He royally elects!
How He hammers him and hurts him
And with mighty blows converts him
Into trial shapes of clay
Which only God understands;
While his tortured heart is crying,
And He lifts beseeching hands!
How He bends but never breaks
When His good He undertakes.
How He uses whom he chooses,
And with every purpose fuses him;
But every act induces him
To try His splendor out --
God knows what He's about!

Go then, earthly fame and treasure!
Come disaster, scorn, and pain!
In Thy service, pain is pleasure;
With Thy favor, loss is gain.
I have called Thee, Abba, Father;
I have stayed my heart on Thee.
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather;
All must work for good to me.

 

I'm fascinated by how easily opinions of ethics students are swayed with the reading of each new assigned research paper.  It makes me wonder how many of us have actually taken the time to ask ourselves not only what we believe, but why.

I enjoy asking people what they believe about, oh, say - ethical relativism versus a universal standard of right and wrong, and then ask for reasons.  The response I usually get is a lot of hemming and hawing, and very little in the way of a coherent thought.

As they stammer around, I begin wondering whether they've gone through the exercise of reconciling their new-found belief with its practical application.  We all (with few exceptions) live within a society, and within that society, within any number of cultural groups (work, religious community, family, social).  I'm struck by how much of our activity is the result of our understanding of expectations within those groups rather than any deeply held convictions.  Within those groups we act certain ways - sometimes (maybe often) - dramatically differently than we do in other groups.

It's one matter to gush about the latest study results which suggest this or that 'truth' about ethics.  It's quite another to live consistently.  Do you know what you believe?  Do you know why?  How well can you 'defend' your point of view - or do you prefer to believe that the professionals (clergy, psychiatrists, anthropologists, sociologists) will come to the rescue, and save you the trouble.

More importantly, how consistently do you live your life with the theories you espouse?  In other words, how well do you practice what you preach?  It's far easier to blow with the latest breeze than to set a deliberate course and commit to it.  The world is full of followers, and always in need of leaders (good ones, that is).

Here’s the update:

We were married at Myrtle Beach - literally on the beach - with both her kids and mine present (see attached photo).  The minister was Lamar Boulware, a good Southern Baptist with a real soft spot.

We enjoyed a week there with our kids, combining holiday with honeymoon (more holiday than honeymoon).

Because of my pending military deployment, S will stay in Maine until my return, although she will be coming down to Pennsylvania as frequently as our finances permit until my departure.

We know that the challenges we face are unusual, what with the military deployment, our shared custody arrangements, and the 10 hour distance between us. But we also know that these are minor inconveniences in the big picture.

We are both content.

Thank you all for your wishes and regards.

Blessings to all,

Tim

  

As Liz Taylor is quoted as saying, "Marriage is something you only do seven or eight times in a lifetime, so you should take it seriously...."

 

 

14 years later, after that marriage dissolved, I went through a spiritual journey of despair, guilt, self-analysis, discovery, and maturity.  I finally came to terms with being single and content.  Then, completely unexpectedly, I met the most amazing woman I had ever met in my life.  Almost from the beginning, I was certain we were destined to be with each other for the rest of our lives.  I didn't know how (we live 10 hours from each other), or when (we both share custody of our respective kids), but I knew God intended us for one another.

 

I used to hear people talk about this sort of confidence, and I would wonder what they meant.  Now, I was experiencing it, and I understood.  I knew that the intervening years of reflection and my lessons in contentment had prepared me to give of myself to a relationship for which I would otherwise have been unprepared - even unable to do so.  I knew that the crucible of self-doubt and the overwhelming sense of failure in the wake of a previously destroyed marriage had served to refine me and had prepared me to invest myself in a relationship with this amazing woman in a way heretofore foreign to me.

 

In point of fact, investing in a relationship is foreign.  It is unnatural, as our natural inclination is to be self-absorbed.

 

In two weeks, I will marry this amazing woman.  Then, in a few short months, I will set off for the second military deployment of my career.  During World War II, thousands of men and women waited patiently for each other as their nation called on them to sacrifice for a greater good.  They waited for years, and afterward most of them remained together for decade upon decade... until only death could part them.

 

 

Today we live in a culture that horribly under-values marriage, burdens it with unrealistic expectations, insists on bolting at the slightest promise of inconvenience.  50 years ago, the Great Depression and two World Wars within a matter of two decades prepared a generation of people to understand the values of sacrifice, loyalty, and the commitment of a daily investment in renewing love; not resting in the complacency of taking each other for granted.

 

What my fiancé and I share is greater than common interests and values; we share a mutual desire to give.  That giving is the life-blood of any truly healthy relationship.  The more I give, the more she gives right back.  And the more she gives, the greater my desire to give to her.

 

While I serve my country, I know that my sweet bride will patiently await my return; I cherish the knowledge, and know just how unusual that is, and how lucky I am.  I know that however many or few our years together on this earth, we share a hope to spend an eternity together afterwards.  Liz Taylor my become bored with her current partner... and the next....

 

As for me, I'm planning to keep this one not only for this lifetime, but the next as well.  Like Jacob, I know a good thing when I see it.